Validation & The Justice Need (4)
From Validation to Recovery
Does validation keep a person stuck? What happens if it seems like they need it again and again?
Depending on the enormity of what occurred, their history, and the level of ongoing exposure to the person who caused harm, it’s quite possible and reasonable that a person may need to hear justice statements more than once. As they unpack what happened, they may also unearth new memories or points of injustice where renewed validation is helpful.
If someone is truly stuck, we may see that their sense of choice, agency, or forward movement diminishes rather than expands. They may feel defined by what happened, unable to imagine a future that isn’t centred on the harm. We may also notice signs of hopelessness and helplessness, alongside justifications for not accessing help. Negative emotions like bitterness, self-pity, and resentment may often take centre stage. Or, conversely, there may be an absence of emotions.
In such instances, we may need to couple validation with empowerment.
While validation helps stabilise and clarify a person’s experience, empowerment invites them to consider what they want, what feels safe or possible now, and how they might relate to what occurred moving forward. It’s not about rescuing or demanding resolution, but reminding them what they can do and the life they can live.
It can feel unfair that the person who was harmed must now engage in the emotional labour of recovery because of what someone else did to them. It is unfair. But while we are not responsible for what happened to us, we are responsible for our emotional health, happiness, and recovery. This isn’t because the harm no longer matters or the other person is absolved, but because our healing cannot be outsourced to someone who may never take responsibility. We must take what steps we can to prevent others from shadowing the rest of our days.
Of course, it’s rarely straightforward. Someone who experienced harm may oscillate between resolve for the future and sudden justice-oriented flashbacks along the lines of, but how could they do that? That’s okay. What’s important is maintaining momentum so that hope grows and the pain of injustice slowly shrinks.
Sometimes, this involves making practical changes to reduce ongoing exposure to reminders or triggers of harm, particularly where the person who caused it refuses to acknowledge what happened or engage in repair. In such cases, continued contact with them or other cues associated with the trauma can keep the nervous system in a heightened state, making recovery far more difficult. We need to ensure the wound isn’t continually reopened if it is to heal.
Validation, empowerment, and distance can help someone move forward, but they don’t always bring complete resolution. This raises an important question: how do we find closure when injustice is not recompensed the way we hoped?